If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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