new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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