and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
