but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
