she woke up with a sticky ear
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
