We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
