I looked at my own cervix.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
