i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
