I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
