went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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