wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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