My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
