We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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