I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
