i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
