Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
