I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
