You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When did angry sex become our thing?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
