Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
