I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
