Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
