I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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