her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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