Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
