I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
