my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
