what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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