I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
