look no pants
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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