I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
