I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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