Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
