Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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