so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
