I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
