I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
