I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He passed out mid-signature
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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