Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
