Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
