rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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