i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
babies were throwing up all over the place
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
