Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
