May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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