I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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