new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
