i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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