I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
