You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
