$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
