I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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