I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
