I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize