yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
