Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
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I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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