a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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