Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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