The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
