A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
