all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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