Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
