How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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