Whatcha textin bout Willis?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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