you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
