You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
