If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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