I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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