smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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