Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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