I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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