**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I am mentally ready for anal.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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