Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
