My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
