You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
