if i can run in heels then i can drive
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
