new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
