wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
