Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
