I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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