Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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