Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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