either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
