whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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